KAMBAKKHT ISHQ: Movie Review

Amrita gets farted on her face ... Get it? ... It’s funny!!
Akshay runs his cart over a girl and the girl gets badly injured.... Get it? ... It’s hilarious!!
Kareena is a virgin.... Aren't you ROFLing already??(Well, at least Akshay Kumar was)

If you haven't noticed, KAMBAKKHT ISHQ is a comedy film. And hence you are supposed to be laughing while watching the movie. Only, all I could do was cringe in my seat every 10 minutes. Calling the movie crude and absurd will be an understatement; it gives a whole new dimension to vulgarity in bollywood.

What’s the story?.... Oh, come on.... don’t ask silly questions. If you insist, uh ... let me see whether I can work out one from what I saw in those 2 and half hours. Amrita Arora and Aftab Shivdasani want to get married to each other. But Kareena(a model) and Akshay(a Hollywood stuntman) do not want them to do so. So, they slap each other for the next half an hour. And for next one hour they curse each other and ya, slap some more. And before you know it, Kareena loses her watch inside Akshay while performing a surgery on him. Please ... don’t ask me to make sense of the rest.

This movie is supposed to be about 'battle of sexes'. No problems with that. In fact 'Hum Tum' had a similar theme, and it had driven its point well. The problem is how the whole thing is treated in 'Kambakkht Ishq'. Since when is slapping girls funny??I mean, seriously!! And honestly, rather than 'battle of sexes' the movie seems more like an 'ego-trip' for the guys (Sorry guys had to say it). The supposed battle ends when the gal apologizes for being a 'stuck-up bitch'. (Yes ladies, those are the exact words she uses.) That’s the least of its problems. The jokes couldn’t be crasser. For instance, An Enormous African American woman literally gets her hands inside Akki's backside. And later when he walks strangely and somebody asks what’s his problem. He says a*****e. (Get it??Those who want to bang their head against the keyboard are free to do so)The movie is filled with so-called crappy jokes which not only make you run for an aspirin, but also make you wonder how low the standards of bollywood comedy is coming to.

If you are wondering what those Hollywood actors shown in the promo do. Brandon Routh is hardly there for 2 minutes. Sylvester Stallone has a couple of scenes - One in which he gives an award to our wonderful hero, and second in which a bunch of baddies try to molest Kareena and Amrita and he saves the gals by bashing them up (Hmmm ... now where have I seen that before?) and Denise Richards wears good clothes, looks sexy and keeps wishing she could have babies with Akshay.

On performances - Akshay hams, hams and hams even more. Kareena is totally wasted. Amrita Arora looks every bit of a dumb bimbo. Aftab is totally confused. There is Jaaved Jaffery too, though I am yet to figure out why the hell was in the movie.

I was never a fan of David Dhawan comedies, but after this I have a new respect for him. This movie is a total insult to your senses. Someone told me that this movie is meant for people with no brains. Me thinks, this movie is just not meant for any human being.

NEW YORK: Movie Review

Ladies and Gentlemen, the wait is finally over. After months of torture, comes a movie which has finally made me smile. ‘New York’ isn’t just a piece of good work but a movie with perfect balance between sensitivity and sensibility.

‘New York’ is a story of 3 Indian friends residing in New York. It shows the cute relationship that they share with each other and how 9/11 attack affects that and changes their lives eventually.

From the first frame, the movie hooks you completely. As the movie mainly deals with the interaction between 4 characters – John, Katrina, Neil and Irrfan - it doesn’t waste time in any unnecessary details, thereby quickly establishing the basic characters. And once it does that it quickly jumps to the main plot. In fact ‘New York’ boasts a strong screenplay, hardly seen in bollywood in recent history. There is never a dull moment as things keep happening one after the other where each scene is used to carry the story forward. You blink and you may miss a crucial scene. Plus, the movie provides a smooth flow from a sensitive scene to a thrilling scene to a suspense scene.

I loved Kabir Khan’s work in ‘Kabul Express’ and in this one he goes a step forward, as alongside dealing with real issues, he manages to get the audience to relate with more complex emotions of each character. He manages to keep the movie realistic, never going overboard which is a refreshing change from the usual bollywood crap. The movie maintains a serious mood throughout, with subtle humorous scenes which are very few and far in-between. The characters seem like those which you could have met in real life, hence you easily tend to smile or sympathize with each passing scene.Thankfully, the movie is devoid of any singing and dancing routine – all songs play in the background, which only enhances the mood of the movie. The only thing that didn’t gel with me was the climax (I do have some issues with it but considering this is a so-called review .....)

John’s performance seems to be improving with each movie and so is his choice of roles. Katrina gives her most impressive performance to date. Neil is good. Irrfan is natural.

Yash Raj Films hasn’t had a hit in a while. Hopefully this movie will change their fortunes. ‘New York’ is a good movie. Go and watch it.

KAL KISSNE DEKHA: Movie Review

WHY GOD, WHY??? What sin have I committed that I decided to watch this movie!!!

After many months a bollywood biggie released (Apparently it took 34 crores to make this one, so yeah it IS a biggie) and THIS is what bollywood had to offer!!! Seriously, whats wrong with these people???

The movie tells a story of a boy - you know someone who dances well, sings well, fights well, has a good body, is kind to everyone, helps the needy – the pakka bollywood hero. He joins a college in Mumbai. There he meets a girl – who is rude to people, selfish, insensitive to others ... err you get the drift. The guy makes her right, falls in love and before the movie ends, the guy saves the city too. Oh, did I forget to mention??... the guy can see the future!! (So kal kissne dekha?? ... duh! Our hero ne dekha!!)

Leave sense, leave logic ... This movie hammers your brain to a pulp. Whole plotline makes no sense whatsoever. In first half, the ever-so-nice guy is busy winning the girl over with his ever-so-niceties; in the second half, he is busy saving the city from a bunch of terrorists. And the future-vision element is to help the writers push the story without bothering to give a logical explanation(not that you expect one after 15 minutes of the movie). Each scene is frustrating. The romance track seems forced into the story, so is the college bash track, so is the terrorist track...err ... on second thought, every scene seems to be forcibly squeezed into the plot. The director has obviously tried to put in all the bollywood masala elements but it neither makes you laugh, nor cry, it just makes you wanna bang your head against the wall.

Needless to say, this movie was meant to be nothing other than a launch pad for Jackky Bhagnani. My opinion - He can give a tough competition to Tusshar Kapoor (and if my future-vision is right, he succeeds!!). Vaishali hardly has any scope to perform. Rest of the cast is wasted.

Sigh, only if I could have seen the future and saved myself from those two tormenting hours.

13B: Movie Review

I have never been a fan of scary films - for the simple reason that they do not scare. At best, they turn out to be cheap thrillers. But 13B stands ahead of movies of its genre. No, it doesn't scare, but it’s definitely more than 'some cheap thriller'.
13B tells a story of a joint family of 8 that moves in to a new apartment, where inexplicable things happen to them. These things seem to duplicate a new TV show which the women in the family are hooked to.
It has an interesting premise. In fact, first half is engaging as the events are mostly those that can happen to anyone, the paranormal connection being the exact resemblance with the T.V serial. Of course, it’s our hero Madhavan who discovers the connection, rest of the family being dumb fools. There are other instances too, such as a dog too scared to enter the house, or a Nokia phone that insists on taking his weird photos whenever used in the apartment, or an elevator that simply refuses to work whenever Madhavan is in it. But as things begin get more fatal, he sets out to solve the mystery.
It’s the explanation that’s quite disappointing. It’s usual run-of-the-mill stuff. As second half comprises of explaining stuffs in a roundabout manner, it becomes tedious after a while. Moreover, the mystery and the explanation do not have a well-reasoned connection.
On performances- Madhavan does a fine job. Rest of the cast has hardly anything to do.
Thankfully the movie is devoid of the usual bollywood formulas (you know, like an age old abandoned mansion, or tantric mumbo jumbo) It treads a slightly different innovative path, which manages to hold your interest in parts.13B is a good movie, not great. My favourite part in the movie – the elevator. Believe me; it has a superb sense of humour.

LUCK BY CHANCE: Movie Review

Hindi Film Industry is growing, and 'Luck By Chance' is a shining example. Or else how do you explain Hrithik Roshan doing an almost small parallel role against a main lead by Farhan Akhtar? Or the climax (Well I can’t reveal it here, but watch it and you will know what I mean)? Each scene in the movie is a part of an intelligent story telling which grabs your attention in more ways than one.
The film follows the life of 2 wannabe actors - Farhan and Konkona. Both strugglers meet each other in due course of time and begin a relationship. How Farhan achieves success and how that affects the relationship forms crux of the movie.
LBC gives an insider’s view of the film industry. The movie takes humorous and sarcastic digs at the industry but what stands out is the sensibility and sensitivity with which it is done. And that’s mainly due to its characterization. All lead characters in the movie are complex and grey. They compromise on their principles for their desires. But you don't hate them for that, you realize they are human. The characters and their interactions appear real, thanks to smart dialogues which are short but effective. Also small details in the movie are well thought out which sometimes surprise you.
If there is one thing that works against the movie then that is its sluggish pace. It is not noticeable in the second half as lot of things are being shown then, but same can't be said about the first half. But once you overlook the flaw, you realize it is necessary to maintain the narrative style of the movie.
LBC boasts an ensemble cast. Konkona gives another striking performance. It stays with you even after you leave the hall. She brings out various layers of her character naturally. Farhan looks the character and underplays quite well. Hrithik looks every bit a star. Rishi, Juhi, Dimple give splendid performances. Isha is adequate.
Luck By Chance is not the usual hindi commercial movie that we know. It is much ahead of its peers. It is a quality cinema with an ingenious narration. It makes you think. It makes you connect. Kudos to Zoya for making ‘Luck By Chance’. Bollywood is definitely evolving.

RAAZ - THE MYSTERY CONTINUES: Movie Review

A long silence. A dog barks.(ooh!! scary!!)
A long silence. A cow moos.(ooh!! very scary!)
A long silence. Your boyfriend calls you from behind (Really scary!)
Emraan Hashmi staring at you. (Gotta admit, that IS scary!)
Watching Adhyayan Suman act. (Run! It’s the scariest thing in the world!!)
Bollywood isn’t exactly known for its horror movies. And the special effects never match up to Hollywood standards. This one ain't anything different. What does 'Raaz-The Mystery Continues' offer? A supermodel Kangana is in love with a Reality TV show producer Adhyayan. In comes Emraan who can see Kangana’s future and paints them. Apparently something terrible is gonna happen to her, something ghost-related.
Well it’s a ghost film, so you don’t look for any logic.(Apparently a butterfly can cause a storm. Go figure) All you see is weird noises, flying people and scary appearances. Does it work? well.... ermm ... kinda. Bhatts pull every trick known in the horror genre. But we are no dumb fools either. You kinda already know whats probably gonna happen next. It doesn’t scare for sure, but it doesn’t pain either. It intrigues in parts. You know that in bollywood horror movies the ghost is always trying to get some message across the lead character. And that’s the only thing that keeps you in your seat - the climax where you get to know the real intentions of the ghost.
Performances - Kangana and Emraan do justice to their roles. Adhyayan doesn’t impress.
Does it scare? Nope. Does it thrill? It tries. Does it chill? Kinda. Should you watch the movie? Honestly, I don't care.

THE PRESIDENT IS COMING: Movie Review

Ok, so the review of 'The President is Coming' is long overdue but I will be surprised if anyone was actually waiting for this one.
First scene :
'The film you are about to watch is a fake documentary. The views expressed do not hold water, as views often should. We regret our lack of credibilty.'
Surprised??
Few scenes later:
'In 2006, US President George W Bush visited India. One young Indian was chosen to shake his hand. This never before seen footage reveals the truth behind that famous handshake.'
Well, that pretty much sums up the story of the movie. A bunch of 6 characters compete with each other to shake hands with George Bush. Only, they do it in a reality show format.
Honestly guys, I really didn’t think Indian film-makers had it in them - A total character driven comedy which actually makes me laugh. Each character is well defined. Those 6 characters couldn’t have been more different. From a bengali novelist to the gujarati stock-broker, from a Paris Hilton wannabe to a narrow-minded social activist, you get the feeling that you have met these people before. They do act silly at times, but that silliness is something I see around myself occasionally, only I might have missed the humour then. This movie lets me rediscover those moments with a lot of fun and charm. It is not the usual slapstick thingy that we are fed with but something that I like to call 'intelligent' comedy (well, it did make me laugh, you see.) It is sarcastic, subtle and innovative. Also the documentary treatment given to the movie (similar to the show 'The Office'), gives a realistic touch and helps you to relate quite easily.
Except for Konkona Sen Sharma, the movie doesn’t feature any known actors, and Thank God for that, because the movie wouldn’t have been half funny hadn’t it been for the actors. Each actor stands out in his role and makes the characters believable though ridiculous they may seem.
I would like to thank Kunal Roy Kapor and Rohan Sippy for genuinely making a 'hatke' film.
Thanks to the low-key promotion, the movie has been hardly heard about. That's sad. The movie deserves to be heard and most definitely watched!

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Movie Review

Does the world really care to know what I think about a Academy Award nominated and a Golden Globe winning movie?? ... Anyway, for you lucky losers, here it is.
Rarely comes a movie that holds your attention from the first frame to the last. From the very first scene where they pose the question 'Jamal Malik is one question away from winning 20 million rupees. How did he do it? A: He cheated. B: He's lucky. C: He's a genius. D: It is written' you know you are going to watch something special.
The movie is a simple rag-to-riches tale of a slum boy, but narrated in a very unique way. A slum boy wins the top prize in the Indian version of 'Who wants to be a millionaire?'. How does Jamal (Dev Patel) do it? How does a slum boy know answers to all the tough questions? It’s shown through the various experiences of his life.
Those experiences completely touch you. Right from his childhood where he plays cricket in the local airport through his slightly older phase where he poses as a guide to cheat American tourists to his job as a chaiwallah in a call centre, Jamal is someone you can almost relate to. His struggle and pain evoke sympathy and yet his never ending spirit brings a smile in your face.
'Slumdog' works mainly bacause of 3 people - Danny Boyle(Director), Simon Beaufoy(Screenplay) and A.R.Rahman(music). Danny Boyle brings authenticity to the movie and the situation seem so real that you feel the movie is showing something you see around you every day. Simon Beaufoy's screenplay is top-notch. Each and every scene is well-penned and the sequences of events often surprise you, but never confuse. And Slumdog wouldn't be Slumdog if it wasn't for Rahman's music. Each score drives the scene and brings the emotion to a different level in the movie. On performances - Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, Anil Kapoor, Irfan Khan fit perfectly in their roles. Though I wish there was more of Ayush Khedekar (plays Jamal as a kid).
Yes, there is a lot of poverty shown in the movie, which might have attracted the Global acclaim in the first place. But when I was watching the movie, I wasn’t thinking that. All I saw was the India that I know exists somewhere. Should it win the Oscars? I don’t know. Can it win the Oscars? I certainly hope so.

CHANDNI CHOWK TO CHINA :Movie Review

God. Forgive me that I thought Ghajini was illogical, for I was yet to watch CC2C then.

Honestly, I have never been a big fan of Akshay Kumar comedies. They are mostly about a dumb guy doing dumb stuffs. (I hardly find them funny, but obviously rest of India doesn’t think so, or they wouldn’t have been the huge hits that they are) Such a movie does two things: either it actually makes you laugh or it makes you wonder how the hell anyone can be that dumb. In this case, it makes you want to pull your hair out! This movie is a mish-mash of every hit formula you have seen in movies till now. It has a little bit of Sholay (Gordon Liu playing a Chinese Gabbar), a little bit of Kung-Fu Panda (A clumsy lovable ‘Poo’ Akshay Kumar learning Kung Fu from ‘Master Chifu’ Roger Yuan) and a little bit of Seeta Aur Geeta(please, don’t ask me to explain that one)

Well.... the story goes like this (those still interested may continue reading, others continue to next paragraph) Hojo (Gordon Liu) terrorizes some village in China. Those Chinese villagers always scared. They find a dumb buffoon Sidhu in India and bring him to their village, as they believe he is the reincarnation of some warrior hero and hope that he can save them from Hojo.

What ensues is an endless journey of hell. The movie uses all clichés known in movies, defying every logic on its way. The movie jumps from one absurd scene to another. From a killing hat (yup, you got to see to believe it) to Akshay’s scary ability to make people fly and a song in mid-air – you name it, CC2C has it. Some scenes evoke genuine laughs , but sadly they don’t make up for the misery that rest of them cause. (Seriously, I noticed a guy sitting in front of me bang his head quite a few times).

And finally, the performances – Akshay hams (yup, he has finally done it), Deepika cries, looks beautiful, fights, looks beautiful, smiles, looks beautiful, and cries again. Ranvir is likeable. Gordon Liu has only one expression throughout. Roger Yuan fails to impress.

If you are wondering, what Deepika does in the movie – she dons the Seeta Aur Geeta act, but lesser said the better.

My advice: Just run. Run away from any theater showing this movie. Trust me, I am doing a great service to you.

No Show Last Friday

Rumours are that since all movies released on first friday of the year, in the past few years, have turned out to be flops, producers had decided not to release any movie last friday. As a result we have 4 movies releasing this friday - Bad Luck Govind, Horn Ok Pleassss, Kaashh... Mere Hote & The President Is Coming( source: bollywoodhungama.com).
Of the 4 movies, I am most looking forward to watching 'The President Is Coming' - A novel plot where a bunch of people wanting to meet Mr. George W Bush starring Konkona Sen Sharma in lead. Hopefully the movie will be funny and interesting as the posters suggest.
Also Bad Luck Govind seems to promise something 'different'. Although the promos dont reveal much, vj Gaurav Kapoor should be refreshing.
Bollywood churns out comedies every other week and Horn Ok Pleassss is another product. Though Nana Patekar doesnt exactly strike as a comic actor, lets see what the movie has to offer.
Kaashh... Mere Hote holds kinda least promise among the 4. Promos look a decade old. The actors dont excite.
Anyway .... lets see what happens this friday.